The following are actual Church signs:

1. CHURCH PARKING - FOR MEMBERS ONLY! Trespassers will
be baptized!
2. "No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace."
3. "Free Trip to Heaven. Details Inside!"
4. "Try our Sundays. They are better than
Baskin-Robbins."
5. An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands
holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments
are inscribed and a headline that reads, -"For Fast
Relief, Take Two Tablets."
6. "People are like tea bags - you have to put them in
hot water before you know how strong they are."
7. "Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush."
8. "Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily."
9. "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or
Non-Smoking."
10. "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives."
11. "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the
hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement
benefits are out of this world."
12. "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the
wages of sin."
13. "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God
allows U-turns."
14. "If you don't like the way you were born, try
being born again."
15. "Looking at the way some people live, they ought
to obtain eternal fire Insurance soon."
16. "A ch__ch is a church when (U R) in it.
17. "In the dark? Follow the Son."
18. "Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."